Last night at GTN, I kicked off the show by having the following half-conversation on my cellphone... (note - if you're not familiar with the Francisco character, he's often clueless about pop culture)

FRANCISCO
Ladies and gentlemen, we'll begin the show in just a few minutes, we're still waiting for our opening act to...hold on...my cell phone is vibrating...(into phone) Hello, Francisco Guglioni here, host of Giant Tuesday Night of Amazing Inv - oh hello Mr. Cruise! (to audience) It's international superstar Tom Cruise! (back to phone) I must say, Mr. Cruise, we here at Giant Tuesday are very excited to have you open tonight's show with your straight juggling act. We've had jugglers on the show before, but none who professed to perform a style of juggling called 'straight juggling', which is, to quote you "a type of juggling that only a straight man could possibly perform." I can't wait to see what you're...what? You're in love with who? Katie who? Oh, well good for you, but that's rather odd of you to bring it up out of the blue like that. I thought you were married to Mimi Rogers. Oh that's too bad. So you went right from Mimi to this Katie character. Oh. Nicole who? Never heard of her. So where would I have seen this Katie's work? Dawson's what? Dawson's Creek? What is that, the retirement home where she works? A tv show? Never heard of it - hey, when are you going to do another film? I loved Risky Business! What? DOZENS OF FILMS?! Really? That's great! Have you ever done a film in which you play a retarded guy's brother, because I think you'd be great at - you have?! Fantastic, I'll rent it right away! Anyway, if you could get here as swiftly as possible, that would...what? You're not coming? You decided to buy an hour of national television airtime to just talk about how in straight love you are? Damn you Tom Cruise, DAMN YOU AND YOUR ODDLY BEAUTIFUL NOSE!!! (hangs up)