I can't stop thinking about American Idol. For years, I have pondered how it is possible to know you are a legitimately talented person, and not one of the many self-deluded freaks who for some reason, despite little or no positive feedback*, is convinced that they have something to offer as an artist. American Idol is overflowing with such people. Poor bastard freaks who, for a good portion of their lives, have existed under the staggering delusion that they don't SUCK ASS. In fact, they are so devoid of any self-awareness, that when Simon Whatshisface tells them that they are terrible TO THEIR FACE, they get mad and insist he's wrong. Now, I'm all for perservering in the face of cold hard truth and all, and I'd wager that a tiny percentage of those "bastard freaks" as I've dubbed them, actually do eventually get their shit together and prove themselves to be talented, BUT, I get the feeling that the majority of these wasteholes would suck unto the end of time and never, ever, ever even catch a whiff of the vast disapproval of all who encounter the vacuums that are they. No time to edit that sentence. In fact, they would probably behave similarly even if they were to appear on Basic Addition Idol!
SIMON
And what will you be adding for us, Tonique?
TONIQUE
I will be adding 2 and 4.
RANDY
Whoah dog, now you must be good.
TONIQUE
Yeah, yeah. I know that.
PAULA
Okay knock us out!
TONIQUE
Yeah. Well 2 and 4 is 8.
SIMON
That was, without a doubt, the worst job of adding 2 and 4 that I've ever seen.
TONIQUE
Yeah that's your opinion.
SIMON
Two and four is clearly six!
TONIQUE
That's your opinion! I got talent!
and. scene.
*Aha! I suddenly felt better halfway through this sentence.
Posted on January 21, 2004 |