I'll be doing this at Nick & Jessi's show tomorrow night. It's all true. Anyway, this is just the overture, if you will. To find out what happens (it pretty much happens as the title says), come to the show or just read it when I post the rest of it on Friday...

Thank you Nick, thank you Jessi. Good evening, my name is Andres du Bouchet. Thank you. It is an unqualified pleasure to be here at “Welcome To Our Week” once again. Ladies and gentlemen, this is my second appearance on this show – the first time I appeared here, during the summer, I broke from my usual pattern of performing silly character monologues and utilized a true experience from my own personal life in order to produce hilarious results. Some of you may even recall – it was the bit about the e-mail thread that a woman I had hooked up with accidentally forwarded to me. I had Nick and Jessi read the e-mail exchange on stage while I shouted comments. It really was the highlight of that particular show. Thank you. At any rate, tonight, it is my intention to once again eschew my regular material – silly sketches and character monologues, in favor of sharing a 100% completely true experience from my own life. With you. The audience. The story that I am about to tell you is one that I have told to many an astounded and titillated friend, but have yet to share with an audience. It is an account of my experiences between the hours of 11:30pm and midnight on the evening of July 8th of this year, and it is, like I said, 100% completely true. The title of this I am not shitting you completely 100% true story is…

“The time I met a woman claiming to be a yoga instructor from Chicago on the corner of 83rd and Broadway at 11:30pm on a Thursday night and literally less than 10 minutes later she was giving me a blowjob for FREE, after which I still made the midnight showing of Anchorman starring Will Ferrell.”

Don’t let the title of my story fool you. It was actually quite an unusual experience.

Now, before I relay the amazing details of this 100% true story to you, I must take pause for what I must admit are my concerns that up until this point, my repeated assertions that the upcoming story is completely true might be deemed by you, the audience, as a case of “me thinks he doth protest too much.” That you’ll assume my continued claims of veracity are nothing more than a comedic device. That I am ‘winking with my words’, and acknowledging that what I am about to tell you is in fact made-up, but “hey, isn’t it funny that I keep on insisting it’s true? Har-dee-har. Har.”

Please do not doubt me for a second. If I wanted to tell you something that wasn’t 100% true, I’d be up here dressed as a vampire or a medieval warrior, or talking in a silly accent. I wouldn’t be up here dressed as a regular guy, talking in a totally normal, unremarkable voice. Alright, I take that back. My voice is pretty remarkable. Still…

When I say that my story entitled “The time I met a woman claiming to be a yoga instructor from Chicago on the corner of 83rd and Broadway at 11:30pm on a Thursday night and literally less than 10 minutes later she was giving me a blowjob for FREE, after which I still made the midnight showing of Anchorman starring Will Ferrell” is 100% true, I mean it. No ifs, ands, or buts.

Alright. I think you’re ready to hear my 100% completely true story. So, without further ado…

It was the evening of July 8th, 2004. Using the website called ‘Fandango’...