Once again, New York City is home to MTV's annually televised party, the Video Music Awards, which means that once again, music journalists like our own Toffee Zimmerman can catch a rare interview with a legend or two. When we caught wind that one such luminary was going to be staying right across the street from our offices at the luxurious Pastiche-Lawnjaws Cilantro Suites (a Hyatt property), we told Toffee to grab her tape recorder and head on over to the lobby's infamous bar, The Clench, to stalk her prey. Of course she got the interview we wanted. For the first time in print, here are the thoughts of Tornado Explosion Sanchez.

TOFFEE = Toffee Zimmerman, reporter for Jetsam Magazine.
TORNADO = Tornado Explosion Sanchez, founder, lead singer and seventh rhythm guitarist for eighteen-time Grammy Award winning band, 'Too Many Guitars'

TOFFEE
Thank you for taking the time to sit down with me, Mr. Sanchez.

TORNADO
Please, call me Tornado Explosion, and no problem at all.

TOFFEE
Of course. Am I correct that this is your first visit to New York City since the infamous 'Butt Arson and Cocaine Scandal of 1987'?

TORNADO
Ha ha ha! You are bold! Oh yes, that is very true. Nineteen years later and here I am. Haven't done that since.

TOFFEE
Cocaine?

TORNADO
No, I still do cocaine.

TOFFEE
You are frequently referred to as 'The Godfather Of That Type Of Music The Gipsy Kings Play, Whatever That Is Called.'

TORNADO
I am called that. And it is true.

TOFFEE
How did you seize upon the technique of having so many guitars play at once?

TORNADO
In my hometown of Xoaca Verde, a truck overturned. It was delivering many guitars to an evil man, so we townsfolk took those guitars and hid them and when the police got there we told them some wily bobcats had taken the guitars. We made this up, but just then as we were telling the policemen our fib, God smiled upon us and sent some actual bobcats to attack the police. In the ensuing chaos, we were able to hide our town from the police in a fragrant valley where to this day all of my townspeople are guitar experts and allies to the secretive and ferocious bobcats.

TOFFEE
What about the truck driver?

TORNADO
He was transformed by magic into a tree frog, leaving behind only his bruised and bloodied human form, and lives happily to this day in the wild.

TOFFEE
I have a source who claims your town murdered the driver when you took the guitars.

TORNADO
To this day there is told of a tree frog who can drive, and that is that man.

TOFFEE
Alright, so the whole town learned how to play the guitar, what then?

TORNADO
Every evening we would gather around a bonfire and play our guitars all at once…

TO BE CONTINUED…