ALERT! Some of my stuff is in THIS BOOK!

This section is a bit obsolete. I haven't written anything for print or other sites in a while, but there's some funny stuff in my Favorite blog posts, including an overly anal catalog of text versions of live bits I've done over the years. I don't update the blog quite as often as I should, and a lot of it just makes me seem nuts.

The Onion A.V. Club
I attempt to answer the question, "What is Funny?" (download)

Time Out New York
The Blowjob Story
This scan is as filthy as its contents. I personally prefer the longer version on my blog.

Jest Magazine
911 Special Edition
Budget Fitness (download)
Deck the Hall of Arctic Life (download)
Thanksgiving Quotes (download)
Video Game Reviews (download)

Ducts.org
Tribute to Spam

May Contain Nuts
Astronaut Application